rairii:

Ok

Someone who know vout abusive family members tell me.

How do I help someone breking down because abusive family member is coming to hre graduation and she wants that person to not come?

Turns out thatsthe big problem?

I’m too drunk to know that to go beyond give her water and take her home so she’s safe

I don’t know nearly enough about this, but I think the starting point would be, when not-drunk, to get more information — do the other family members know about the abuse, for instance? Do the police? These things are going to influence what strategies are likely to help.

rairii:

Chatting with a lovely woman I hooked up with two years ago. But we were both drunk. So we were both nonconsensual! Which is not what I would want to do!! Big I did but we were both so drunk so we fucked up and I should not have kissed here because it means both of us were just…. No :( I feel like shot she doesn’t deserve this from me but I literally was so drunk but its still bad and ?????

There is a certain amount of oversimplification in the “too drunk to consent” thing. Talk to, for instance, any married couple who ever drink about that. There’s a boundary here where the problem is: If you try to describe a reasonable rule that allows for people making choices about when to waive their consent, the bad guys will abuse it. If you try to make an absolutely strict rule that can’t be abuse, the good guys feel horrible about stuff that wasn’t actually bad.

Look at it this way: Apart from the formal rule of “drunk people cannot consent”, do you have any objections? Do you feel like you were taken advantage of? Because it sounds to me like you don’t actually mind the experience, it’s not giving you nightmares or anything, you just know that it violates a taboo. And it’s a goodish taboo to have, but… If you don’t feel bad except for worries about whether there was valid consent, and she doesn’t either, my advice would be to conclude that there was apparently sufficient consent that no one needs to feel super guilty about it.

The problem with really hard and fast rules is that they suck, because life is not like that. I know, people get outraged about this, but go look at some of the news coverage of the kid facing felony charges and sex offender registration for having sex with her girlfriend. One day it’s legal, because they’re both under 18, the next it’s not because one of them turned 18. Thing is, we can say “well, minors can’t consent, so obviously there’s no valid consent, so that’s rape.” And that’s legally true, but you know what? I don’t particularly think it’s morally true that all minors are totally incapable of ever validly consenting to anything sexual whatsoever. Partially because I remember being 16-17.

And similarly, there have been times when I had sex and was drunk, but where I don’t have any reason to believe that I would have been less willing to have sex had I not been drunk, or where the reasons I’d have been “less willing” weren’t really consent issues, but other issues that I don’t necessarily really care about all that much.

Dogmatism: Still not actually helpful in making good moral decisions.

If you feel bad about it, tell her why, apologize, and let her decide whether she feels wronged or thinks you’re worrying too much.

kris-guin-personal:

To my parents again: 

I’m sorry I’m not living up to your expectations of what you want me to be. I’m sorry I’m somehow a failure to you for being fat and autistic. I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect, skinny, straight, non-autistic daughter you wanted. I’m sorry that you don’t want to go into family counseling with me. I’m sorry that instead of investing your energy into establishing a good, happy relationship with your daughter, you’re trying to “fix” me. I’m sorry that I feel nervous every time I walk out my room for fear of encountering some sort of negativity from you (and Emily), whether it’s a disapproving look or straightforward comment. 

Heya, if Kris’s parents are reading this:

Y’all could use some second opinions from some people who have grown up autistic and learned to deal with it. Yeah, I can already hear the “don’t tell me how to raise my kids”. You know what? I know a lot of people whose parents felt that way, who are pretty much spending their lives on disability because their parents were too proud to admit that maybe they didn’t have all the answers.

Raising an autistic kid is not a skill everyone is born with. Dealing with that can take some doing. You’ve done a pretty good job, but the fact is, if you are reading Kris’s blog and are not just sitting there beaming with pride and being all “wow, that kid is amazing”, you really ought to talk to some people who have a different perspective on things.

Yes, I’m volunteering to talk to you. I’ve been watching bits and pieces of this unfold, and I’ve been watching Kris’s other posts on other topics, and I really feel like you guys have a bit of a disconnect going here.

kris-guin-personal:

Changed my URL (again) because I can see my parents creeping on my blog. They must be getting around my IP blocker somehow. 

I don’t know that tumblr has much if anything that can really protect you against someone who wants to see a public blog. :(

jumpingjacktrash:

in my yard

while he was working

so many morels

what should i do with them

saute them in butter

or olive oil and garlic

or what about in chicken and wild rice soup

i could stir-fry them with pea pods

askjfghllaskfgjh i’m drooling gallons even though i just ate dinner like 2 hours ago

What should you do? Write fluff fic about their supportive relationships. I mean, duh. Morelegience is magic!

greenchestnuts:

reallifescomedyrelief:

 

lostintrafficlights:

littlefuckinglesbian:

jawdust:

where is this guy’s blockbuster movie

hero.

Oh my god this is folk tale stuff

This is true:

“Dashrath did not want anyone else to suffer the same fate as his wife, so he carved a 360-foot-long (110 m) through-cut, 25-foot-deep (7.6 m) in places and 30-foot-wide (9.1 m) to form a road^[5] through a mountain in the Gehlour hills, working day and night for 22 years from 1960 to 1982.”

360’ x 25’ x 30’ through solid rock.

Also, apparently someone did make a movie about him but it’s held up in court.

You know, there really ought to have been some point where this became a short and boring story because, say, people helped him, or brought in machinery.

txidal-waves:

punkrockmermaid:

“I raped that test in math cla–” No.

“I raped that game earli–” Stop.

“The other team totally raped us tod–” Shut the fuck up.

Do you see what you’re doing?

YOU ARE MAKING RAPE SOUND LIKE A POSITIVE ACTION.

YOU ARE EQUATING SEXUAL VIOLENCE WITH ACHIEVEMENTS.

STOP.

i’ve been waiting so long for this post 

See, I haven’t been waiting for it. I’ve been systematically and consistently reporting players in MMOs who do that for abusive behavior. :)

wilwheaton:

I just realized that I’ve been using Tumblr for so long, I remember when the radar was a way to discover awesome blogs and not some incredibly obnoxious animated gif advertising bullshit I don’t care about.

Wow.

And this reminds me that I set it to not display in my user CSS and haven’t seen it in ages. Because I can’t write when there’s animation.

in-the-margins:

this old comic gets more relevant with each passing day.

Oh, that!

fat-feminist:

2. Thighs: Because they might support you. Because they look just as good when you are standing up and sitting down. Because who said “thunder” was bad, and what does that have to do with thighs anyway? Because they do look super cute in shorts, and the sun feels really nice on them. Because you deserve it.

From this I infer that “thunder thighs” was not generally intended as complimentary, which makes me glad I never happened to use it in circumstances where I would have intended it as a compliment.