fandomsandfeminism:

I’m not. If a PoC blogger gets fed up and types out a post about white people without clarifying that they meant “not all white people”, or a trans person posts about cis people without saying “not all cis people” I am not offended.

Do you want to know why?

Because in that situation, there is only one of three possible realities:

1. I think about it and understand that I don’t do those things that the blogger is talking about, and the post isn’t about me really, so I move on.
2. I think about it and realize that “oh shit” I DO sometimes do whatever it is they are talking about, and I fucking realize that I need to fix that behavior because holy hells I don’t want to be enforcing oppressive bullshit.
3. It’s a joke at the expense of the oppressive majority. Seriously.

That’s it. Those are the only Three possibilities. The post either isn’t about me, or I’m getting called out on shit I need to fix, or it’s a joke (and not a joke at the expense of the marginalized but at the expense of the privileged). That’s it. Not something I’m going to fight about.

Hmm. So, if someone makes a joke about a stereotype, and I think about it and realize I don’t do the things they talk about, I should recognize that they’re not talking about me. So, for instance, say someone makes a joke about how gay guys are so promiscuous and get so many diseases, and I think “gosh, I’ve been married 20 years, haven’t slept around, they aren’t talking about me. I should not be offended.” Is that how it works? Because I don’t think that’s how it works. I think that things that promote harmful stereotypes and us-vs-them thinking are harmful even if they aren’t about me. And in fact, it’s precisely because they are often not really about me that they are harmful – because they are in fact making an assertion about me which is false, and I tend to find that upsetting.

And maybe it’s “at the expense of an oppressive majority”, but you know what? Prejudice still sucks, it still does harm, and I still think I am better off if it’s not as common. I have seen these things go by plenty, both in cases where I’m in the oppressed minority and in cases where I’m in the oppressive non-minority, and you know what? It still bothers me, every time, either way.

The fact is, all the people out there have feelings, and hurting their feelings has the same basic effects whether they’re “oppressive” or not. And thanks to the massive variety of sets out there, the chances are not awful that the “white guy” who’s getting all irritated about being bashed is a disabled gay white guy, and is already getting plenty of crap for being who he is, and does not need more.

The problem is not that the wrong people are being hurt. The problem is that people are being hurt. Saying nasty shit about people does not actually make things better. The closest it comes is that it can help maintain a level of anger which suppresses the natural empathic response we have to other people, and lets us care less about them… But that’s more the problem than the solution.